One day I was battling in my mind with flood of thoughts all arising from past and cursing myself for everything that went wrong. It has been my one of the worst habits which clears way of anxiety to visit me.
I was so disturbed with those uncontrollable flow of thoughts that i decided to talk to my sister. After all, it’s important to divert the route of mind. So, I called her and the moment she noticed my low tone she asked- what’s wrong? That’s it… I bursted out cursing myself for every wrong happend in my life.
She first let me de-clutter my mind and then spoke to me- Why are you so harsh on yourself? All through time I have just heared you blaming yourself even for those things that are not in your control.
What if same situation had happened with me..? Have you used the same language, same words?? I said no but… She continued- This is the problem with you, you have taken yourself for granted.
I understand what she wanted to convey but here is the fact- One of the features of Anxiety is having a troubled relationship with your ownslef. Self-criticism comes for free with Anxiety. Interesting offer! Isn’t it??
Everyone had faced some embarrassing moments for which your mind had scolded you harshly. It happens but in the case of anxiety it becomes worse.
The word Hate contains strong power of negativity. And I have become habituated of applying the word more often. Luckily over the years it has depreciated but it was extreme in initial days. Few adjectives i used for defining myself was- worthless, weak, wastage, pathetic.
Generally, I didn’t prefer tangling myself with bunch of people, and the handful humans of my life seemed to feel pity on me. FYI, that was my convention not the reality.
I don’t know how and exactly when I started bullying myself and before i could realise it became my strong habit. Indeed, it was difficult for me to draw myself back from that harming habit but i tried.
I won’ say it was easy thing to do, neither it has totally vanished away but till date I am firmly trying not to indulge myself in any kind of self bully. And it’s better from being worse.
Reversing your old habits are not easy road to take but let’s make it adventurous a bit… After all this is LIFE!
Here are few simple things you can do to deal with Self-criticism:
- Embrace it– It is very simple rule to deal with any obstacles in life. Just embrace it with full acceptance. Once you will stop running away from it, it will become easier to adjust with it. Don’t bury it inside you, just accept it in the way it is served. It’s one way to protect yourself.
2. Don’t battle with it– This process demands a hell lot of patience. Treat your mind’s cold war (self-criticism) as those unavoidable relatives of yours. They are self proclaimed mindful people who tend to advise you and you can’t actually ignore them.
So it’s better to listen to their ‘Opinion’ and wait till they are finished. As you know arguing with them will be like adding fuel into the fire. It’s wise to let them finish.
3. Have a Calm Conversation– Well, I can bet you must have mastered the art to console your friends with calm words. And now its time to apply your that art to yourself.
After that your mind is done with bullying yourself, take a long deep breathe and say to it- I heared you but that’s not comforting. So, please stop it.
4. Take a Diversion– Yeah! I keep telling this and also applying it in my life as well. It’s very important to channel your energy into something that interests you and keeps you occupied.
5. Repeat, Repeat, and Repeat– This is not a magic that will work overnight. Time and again you will be attacked by your old bad habits. That’s okay! New habits take time. Brain will play its tricks but you have to be adamant with your new thought pattern.
You know since my childhood I have heared this line- Time is a great Healer! And now passing all these years with anxiety i have lived with it’s meaning.
It’s not easy to mold yourself but it’s not that difficult though. I can say this with my own experiences. I guarantee you when you will look back, you will have ample reasons to pat your back.
Just try it. I know You can. I have faith in you!
Stay safe, Stay Healthy. Stay Loved!